Reducing anxiety around food at Christmas, with Maeve Hanan – Food For Kids Podcast episode 60

Joanne Roach (00:13)

Hello and welcome to the Food for Kids podcast. I'm Joanne from the Foodies. This is the last episode before the Christmas bank holidays and chances are that the bit of your brain that you reserve for interesting food things is overwhelmed with holiday prep. So I didn't want to bring you an episode about something practical about food at a time when honestly your brain can't do anything with it.

Instead, I want to bring you something that might help you to enjoy this holiday season a little bit more. Enjoy sharing food and fun with your loved ones and give your children a different kind of gift, the gift of a household where food is relaxed and joyful at celebration times.

We've had weeks already of bombardment of adverts, magazine articles, TV shows and social posts about all the things we could be doing or could be serving for friends and family. But we have to remember that whatever we put on the table, we bring our relationship with food, and serve it on the plate beside it. So the best thing we can do for ourselves and for our kids is to give ourselves permission to find peace with food.

So for today's episode, I'm interviewing Maeve Hanan a dietitian who runs a company called Dietetically Speaking. She helps parents to have a better relationship with food so that they can break generational cycles of disordered eating and unhelpful food messages. She helps parents to feed their family in a sustainable, balanced way so that it's nutritious but also promotes a healthy relationship with food for them and their kids as well. She's got a brilliant article on her website about how to navigate food at Christmas and other family gatherings. So I'll link to that in the show notes, but her messages are very helpful and supportive. So I wanted to let her talk to you about this herself. So here's that interview.

Joanne Roach (01:52)

Okay, so Maeve, you do a lot of work with people around their relationship with food and you promote an approach called food freedom. Can you explain what food freedom is and how the parents that are listening might benefit from it?

Maeve (02:06)

So food freedom, it's the best term I found to describe what I do, but it really like encompasses a lot. So I do think it's important to explain. So really what it means is it's like a peaceful and positive relationship with food where your eating is guided by your body's needs and preferences and the circumstances rather than like rigid rules or guilt or fear. So there's a lot that comes into that. It's trusting your body, it's respecting your body. It's allowing all foods. So not having rules and restrictions that I can only eat these foods. I can't eat these foods or viewing certain foods as good or bad. It's much approaching food from a neutral place in terms of like the moral side of food. It's eating without guilt. A big part of it is being flexible and self compassionate rather than being like rigid and harsh with yourself. So it's about the big picture of overall wellbeing. So that includes your physical, mental, and social wellbeing.

And it's also not obsessing about food, which therefore really frees up precious time and headspace for the things that matter. So that's really one of the number one things I'm looking out for when I'm working with my clients is, are they getting that extra time and headspace back and actually taking some of the focus away from food? Obviously there will be some focus on food from a like nutrition self care point of view and from an enjoyment point of view. but it shouldn't be like disproportionate and you know, loads of food noise, taking up loads of head space, loads of your time. I work with my clients, first of all, on their history with food, their food story. what is a healthy relationship with food? What does that mean for you?

Food mindset is a big part of it. So yeah, I work in a very like psychologically informed way because it's just so crucial to what I do. Attunement. So that's where a lot of people will think about kind of intuitive eating, hunger, fullness cues, really listening and responding to your body. Body respect is what I focus on in terms of body image. For a lot of people, being really body positive can feel out of reach, especially initially. it's bringing it back to, well, all bodies deserve respect, including mine. And then nutrition without the noise. So it's, definitely still an element of nourishing your body, taking care of yourself, but without the rules, the guilt, the food noise. So there's quite a lot really incorporated those two words, food freedom.

Joanne Roach (04:23)

I think we have so many layers about our feelings and thoughts about food before we have children. And then you layer on top of it, the preparing food for another human being for whom you are responsible for their health, their development. So I we've got all of that stuff about competing desires to eat well, but also to enjoy eating and also to spend time with people and enjoy, you know, being social with food, but then also the with thinness. And you can go around and around in circles, even just as a person by yourself, add on top of that, making sure that you're looking after your children, that noise can really just, you can spiral and creating one meal, much less a meal plan can just be almost impossible.

Maeve (04:45)

Mm-hmm.

100% and that really hit me when I became a parent because I kept reflecting on like the labour and the mental load of it is so huge in itself when you've so many other things going on, you know, as a parent even though, I know what to feed, you know, myself, my family, and I don't have guilt rules restrictions. I'm happy to lean on convenient options, but even with all of that, like it's, it is still difficult. And I kept thinking about my clients and other people who also have that added layer, as you're saying, of the food guilt, the rules, the restrictions, the shame, know, feeling awful about yourself while trying to juggle everything and trying encourage to have a healthy relationship with food. And I just, you know, I kept coming back to like just how, how difficult that extra layer makes everything. And that's why I do have a real passion for supporting parents in particular, because when you heal your relationship with food, it has just a massive benefit on your whole family.

Joanne Roach (05:59)

Yeah, it's really helpful to remove that layer of guilt and morality from it because it's logistically hard enough as it is. I mean, it sounds simple just to feed your family. But like you, I'm lucky enough to be pretty clued up about food because of what I do. But I can still remember long phases in our kids' childhood where meal planning was incredibly complicated. Like we had some phases where there were dietary restrictions because of allergies. We had some fussy eating phases. Ours also did a lot of sports. There were regular evenings when food had to either be light so you wouldn't throw up during exercise or quick to get on the table after the activity so they could get into bed. It's because of all that there were long runs at the weekend when I was meal planning and I couldn't pick out a single evening meal that didn't have a logistical rule applied to it because of one of those practical things. So if you start adding anything into the equation about whether something's healthy or junky or morally good or bad, I'd just be sunk.

Maeve (06:51)

100%. sometimes there are, you know, external restrictions on what we need to eat yet, whether it's, what we have whether it's food preferences, selective eating, sensory differences, food allergies, you know, there's so many valid reasons that can again, just add an add to that mental load. I'm thinking of like families I've worked with who are dealing with all of those things. They're juggling food allergies, selective eating, trying to feed the family, trying to just keep the whole family boat afloat. And now they're terrified, because they're like, well, I can't feed them like fish fingers because that's an ultra processed food. And that's straw that breaks the camel's back for a lot of people that just makes the whole thing just so, so impossible.  That's why I'm really passionate about helping people to navigate that and to reduce the rules and the guilt and the restrictions.

Joanne Roach (07:38)

Yeah, that's great. And we've got an episode coming up in the new year where we're going to talk in more detail about ultra-processed foods, because I do think that's a really good thing to talk through.

Maeve (07:43)

Yes.

Joanne Roach (07:45)

But this is the last episode going out before Christmas. And there's obviously lots of parties, festive gatherings, family gatherings going on now and into the new year. So what are the extra issues at this time of year that can make food even more stressful if you're already struggling with food?

Maeve (08:02)

Yeah, I think it is definitely one of the most difficult times of the year when it comes to food, because it's just so triggering if you struggle with food. So first of all, obviously food is everywhere. such a big part of the celebration. If you have a healthy relationship with food, that can be great. That can be like really joyful and make lovely memories with that. You can enjoy it. You can have the food you enjoy, move on and not worry about it. But when you're struggling with food that can really fill you with anxiety and guilt and shame. And it can lead to isolation sometimes, like, you know, avoiding certain events or just, you you're there, but you're not really there. You're just not feeling present because the food noise is so loud.

And there's like specific challenging environments as well. People tend to find like buffets particularly challenging, people can feel guilty or more out of control around their trigger foods, which could be like, crisps or chocolate or pastries. And you add in the kind of scarcity mindset of, certain foods that aren't as present for the rest of the year. So I don't know, maybe it's mince pies or gingerbread And that can make it feel like, we'll have to make the most of this now.

It's kind of, you know, when I'm working with my clients around the diet mentality, we talk about the last supper thinking of like, going to go mad now because the diet starts tomorrow. That scarcity mindset can absolutely come in at this time of year because diet culture kind of gives people a bit of permission this time of year to be like, this is the time you can indulge. You know, that's okay because the diet's going to start in January. So they like the anticipation of that and the fears around, what's going to happen to my weight after Christmas and you know, I'm going to be on this like miserable diet again, which I've tried so many times. You can already be thinking about that and that anxiety can already be coming into play because it's a very black and white place to be of, okay, I'm just going to kind of go mad with food now. And then, you know, really cut back and restrict in January, But there's so many other things happening too. normal routines are disrupted. Maybe your sleep is disrupted. can just be more stress in general.

It can be a more emotional time of year for people as well. more alcohol being consumed, which can impact appetite, sleep, digestion, mood, all of that. most people will have at least one family member who likes commenting on bodies, diets, weight, food. And even, you know, even without that, it's kind of just comparing yourself to people around you. if you're listening to this and you do find this time of year difficult, that's so valid. are so many reasons why this is a difficult time of year when you struggle with your relationship with food. but so much that you can do to make this a bit easier this time of year.

And it's also a great time to set an intention around your relationship with food that, know, if it's a priority for you to make peace with food, okay, I'm recognizing this pattern every year I feel this way, you know, I want to take action so that this won't be the case next year. This won't be the case going forward.

Joanne Roach (10:47)

Yeah, I think it does bring out a lot of those emotions in us, doesn't it? Leading up to this period. if people are thinking ahead, they're thinking, right, you know, I'm going to sort out my relationship with food next year, but we've still got Christmas and, other holiday celebrations coming up. And obviously this is a podcast about children's food. So we want to raise our own children to not have to struggle as much as we've struggled. We grew up in a terrible environment around food and we don't want to pass that on to our own children. So what are some of the things that listeners can be thinking about or trying to model in the next couple of weeks, thinking about the little ones who are watching what we do?

Maeve (11:16)

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I love that you use the word model there because, so understandable as parents, you know, we prioritize our kids so much and, know, it can be really hard to prioritize ourselves, but the best thing you can do for your kids' relationship with food is to prioritize your own relationship with food and to try and heal. Because then you do naturally become that food freedom role model and they're picking up on so many things. So even if you're kind of performing food freedom, kids will notice things, you know: Why aren't you eating the same food as me? Or, you know, you get a bit anxious when this happens or little words, you know, slip out around kind of body shame or food anxiety. So not to put any guilt on anyone when that's happening, you know, in the environment we live in, that's totally understandable, but we often use the analogy of putting on your own life jacket first. It is really important to prioritize your relationship with food.

But some things you can do to help yourself around this time of year. So really kind of having a bit of a plan in place will really reduce the risk of things spiraling. So having a think about, okay, you know, what are the things that trigger me this time of year? Having some coping mechanisms, reaching out for support as well is a big one. And that could be just from, you know, friends, family, partner, or maybe there's professional support that you have access to. But your coping mechanisms, just even have some achievable things you can do in the moment. So it might be, a few deep breaths and affirmation and grounding activity, something really quick and easy that is going to be realistic. Even something you can do when you're like in the presence of somebody else, but you need to kind of regulate yourself.

Obviously routines can kind of go out the window this time of year. And what I can see a lot of is people feeling, I ate a bit too much at my last meal or I've been snacking so much. I'm just going to like skip my next meal. And that can really lead you into a difficult place of like, you know, binge restricting or just kind of feeling out of control with food. So really kind of making a promise to yourself to eat regularly, even if I feel like I've eaten a bit more than usual. Trying to give yourself permission to enjoy festive foods does really help to take them off that pedestal and reminding yourself that although certain foods are less common other times a year, like if you really want a mince pie, you know, you'll be able to access that or to make that, you know, in some way. it can help to reduce that scarcity mindset or even just reminding yourself that even if I struggle to access some specific foods, there's lots of other tasty foods that I'm going to give myself permission to have all year round, which just really takes away that urgency of like, I really have to go mad, make the most of this.

Big thing is, you know, trying not to fall into the January diet trap, try not to have that intention of, well, I'm going to diet in January anyway, or I'm going to be good in inverted commas. that can really keep you stuck in that black and white cycle with food. and just remembering as well more than food when it comes to Christmas, like food's a big part of it and food can be a brilliant part of it. But make sure you have some other non-food related things going on around the Christmas season. whether that's Christmas movies, board games, like wreath decoration, Christmas shopping, you know, whatever it is, bringing in some other things as well can help to balance it all out.

Joanne Roach (14:25)

Yeah, and that's also a really good example for children because, you know, food is an important thing to share. People do share and connect through food and that's okay. But we can also share and connect through things that aren't food. And that's quite a good thing to show children right from day one.

Maeve (14:40)

Yeah, absolutely.

Joanne Roach (14:46)

I hope you enjoyed that interview as much as I did. I also have a couple of episodes with Maeve coming up in January all about ultra processed foods, which I've already recorded and they are so interesting and helpful. So that's something to look forward to for the new year. I hope that maybe when you're knee deep in friends and family in the next fortnight, you'll find something from that interview coming back to help you. I'm pretty sure I will.

Joanne Roach (15:07)

And if you're one of the majority of people who spend December making promises to yourself about how you're going to do better or be better with food in the new year, but this episode has made you think that actually maybe you'd rather work on your overall relationship with food and deal with that constant food chatter and conflicting priorities in your head,

then Maeve is running a webinar in January for just that.

So if you go and give her a follow now, you'll be able to sign up when it comes up.

Joanne Roach (15:30)

I will link to her socials and her website in the show notes. I'll be back with just a short festive message on Thursday, but in the meantime, happy eating.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction

01:52 What is Food Freedom?

04:23 The many-layered mental load of feeding the family

07:45 Why the holidays can be extra hard if you struggle with food

10:52 How to model a good relationship with food over Christmas

14:45 Summary and outro